letting go of almost

letting go is hard
especially when there
is nothing else to hold onto

but truly letting go
is not just moving onto
something or someone else

it is freedom
it is a feeling

of being complete
on your own

by yourself

and surrendering
to the unknown
because if i don’t
completely let go

i may sentence
myself to a life
of almost

and almost
isn’t love
or true freedom

i am also afraid
if i continue on this path
my heart may harden

and not be soft enough
to let new love in
the kind i hear people
call “true love”
that feels like…

well i tried
over and over and over
to describe what it
feels like
but i am not sure
i have ever felt
a complete love
so the words
never came to me

i do have words for
what i don’t want it
to feel like

i shouldn’t have to
“earn it”
“exert for it”
“long for it”
“be anxious about it”

i want a love
that settles and silences
the longing
creating a true
sense of safety and belonging

like how my ears heal
from the sound of a slow piano
or the comfort my spirit
feels from the smell of
fresh lavender

the look of a person
who sees you
like they have a window
into your soul

this is what i am after
but maybe
without “going after it”
just being
“available for it”

a new journey

from almost
to soul-most

so today
i let go
once again
even when
my mind and body
wants to hold on
i step into
the unknown
without the
need to search

just to be
courageous enough
to open that window
let that person in

giving air to what
my soul longs for

and freeing myself
from the prison
of almost