a new way to follow His way

Lord i am sorry for the times

i am

away

i don’t want to be a man

away

just a man

who deeply follows

your Way

sometimes i try so hard to study

the tactics and things that

might help me

follow your Way

but without knowing it

i do it because

i am trying to find the “right way” to follow

you

but this only pulls me further

away

because your Way

is love

it is rest

it is kindness

it is gentleness

it is service

it is generosity

but not from trying too hard or too much

not from a checklist

just pouring

pouring oh so full

from an overflowing cup

my life of trying, pleasing and helping

to seek approval of the world

is quite taxing and turbulent

i can’t quite anticipate

what that person wants

so i try it all

leaving me with an emptiness

that makes me want to put up a wall

the more i am away the more

i compromise the Truth and what i know

giving in or blending in

at the cost of my soul

oh Lord you know it

and already see it

these old behaviors

only leave me with a large hole

i know now that i can’t

fill this hole on my own

because you it was you

who sent your own

your Son Jesus

to give me a new life

as your own

i accept that now Lord

that i am one of your own

where all you want is time

time with you of prayer and praise

pursuing simplicity and humility in how

i give you my whole heart

so i can truly walk in your Ways

sometimes i angst at what seems

like so much work to do

to let this old self fall away

i get caught in the trap of shining the light

only on where i fall short

putting myself back in the familiar territory

of ruminating in the pool of anxiety

the worry of where to fit in in society

or letting the enemy control me

with the weight of my shame

i know now growth and pursuit

of the Lord

doesn’t work this way

i must be a man who stands for the power

of your name

a man after your whole heart

with all my soul and all my strength

because the more i do this

my past has no choice but to just

fall

away

so i can set down the chisels, swords and search lights

because i know you will shine the light

on where darkness still lurks

only when you feel i am ready to see it

and when i see it

i will make the changes

to repent and grow oh so closer to you

i see it now

that when i focus too much on where i fall short

i miss just how far i have come by the grace

and mercy of your Way

it truly is a miracle

a miracle

a miracle

that comes solely

from the kind of praise

that raises my eyes up to you

bc

you are holy, holy

are you Lord God almighty

worthy is the Lamb

worthy is the Lamb

worthy is the Lamb

you are holy, holy

today i run to you oh Lord

i run so hard and fast that i have

to pack light

the baggage of my past

the baggage of pleasing the world

and fears that i will get it wrong

or that i have to exert or prove

my way through life

are too heavy

to pack

in fact i both laugh and cry

now at the freedom of a new life

there is no room for this

baggage on my new destination

my new journey

of a life with you

as the source of my inspiration

where i long to never be away

from you my God

always calling to the Holy Spirit to fill me

with the fruits of your Way

for so long i thought growth meant

to run away

from all that might get in my way

but i finally understand that is

not your intention

through You, the church and my community

i seek the help needed

to crucify my mistakes

and rise again

using my life as a testimony

to grow your Kingdom

with the power of your Way

Oh Lord you so long for the love

you have for me

to be the kind

of love i too have for me

so i can turn my eyes up

being your shepherd to see

to see your creations

and all that i meet

with eyes like Jesus

eyes that greet

with a power to heal and reveal

what together we can be

i for one want to be a man

bringing people closer to

your vision

that as Paul once wrote

“there should be no division”

oh how i praise you my Lord, my God the savior

of the world

you stir my soul

cleansing my heart

i mean the way you work

truly is an art

i thank you for this new life

settling into how my relentless

pursuit of You is the key

to just letting all that is not you

truly just fall away

most importantly

i hope your heart leaps

at this

a new day

where i run and pursue

the joy of a life

following

your

Way

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Yes God I say to you…I do

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Lord, i am your instrument