a new way to follow His way
Lord i am sorry for the times
i am
away
i don’t want to be a man
away
just a man
who deeply follows
your Way
sometimes i try so hard to study
the tactics and things that
might help me
follow your Way
but without knowing it
i do it because
i am trying to find the “right way” to follow
you
but this only pulls me further
away
because your Way
is love
it is rest
it is kindness
it is gentleness
it is service
it is generosity
but not from trying too hard or too much
not from a checklist
just pouring
pouring oh so full
from an overflowing cup
my life of trying, pleasing and helping
to seek approval of the world
is quite taxing and turbulent
i can’t quite anticipate
what that person wants
so i try it all
leaving me with an emptiness
that makes me want to put up a wall
the more i am away the more
i compromise the Truth and what i know
giving in or blending in
at the cost of my soul
oh Lord you know it
and already see it
these old behaviors
only leave me with a large hole
i know now that i can’t
fill this hole on my own
because you it was you
who sent your own
your Son Jesus
to give me a new life
as your own
i accept that now Lord
that i am one of your own
where all you want is time
time with you of prayer and praise
pursuing simplicity and humility in how
i give you my whole heart
so i can truly walk in your Ways
sometimes i angst at what seems
like so much work to do
to let this old self fall away
i get caught in the trap of shining the light
only on where i fall short
putting myself back in the familiar territory
of ruminating in the pool of anxiety
the worry of where to fit in in society
or letting the enemy control me
with the weight of my shame
i know now growth and pursuit
of the Lord
doesn’t work this way
i must be a man who stands for the power
of your name
a man after your whole heart
with all my soul and all my strength
because the more i do this
my past has no choice but to just
fall
away
so i can set down the chisels, swords and search lights
because i know you will shine the light
on where darkness still lurks
only when you feel i am ready to see it
and when i see it
i will make the changes
to repent and grow oh so closer to you
i see it now
that when i focus too much on where i fall short
i miss just how far i have come by the grace
and mercy of your Way
it truly is a miracle
a miracle
a miracle
that comes solely
from the kind of praise
that raises my eyes up to you
bc
you are holy, holy
are you Lord God almighty
worthy is the Lamb
worthy is the Lamb
worthy is the Lamb
you are holy, holy
today i run to you oh Lord
i run so hard and fast that i have
to pack light
the baggage of my past
the baggage of pleasing the world
and fears that i will get it wrong
or that i have to exert or prove
my way through life
are too heavy
to pack
in fact i both laugh and cry
now at the freedom of a new life
there is no room for this
baggage on my new destination
my new journey
of a life with you
as the source of my inspiration
where i long to never be away
from you my God
always calling to the Holy Spirit to fill me
with the fruits of your Way
for so long i thought growth meant
to run away
from all that might get in my way
but i finally understand that is
not your intention
through You, the church and my community
i seek the help needed
to crucify my mistakes
and rise again
using my life as a testimony
to grow your Kingdom
with the power of your Way
Oh Lord you so long for the love
you have for me
to be the kind
of love i too have for me
so i can turn my eyes up
being your shepherd to see
to see your creations
and all that i meet
with eyes like Jesus
eyes that greet
with a power to heal and reveal
what together we can be
i for one want to be a man
bringing people closer to
your vision
that as Paul once wrote
“there should be no division”
oh how i praise you my Lord, my God the savior
of the world
you stir my soul
cleansing my heart
i mean the way you work
truly is an art
i thank you for this new life
settling into how my relentless
pursuit of You is the key
to just letting all that is not you
truly just fall away
most importantly
i hope your heart leaps
at this
a new day
where i run and pursue
the joy of a life
following
your
Way